“If I Can’t Have You, No One Will”

“If I Can’t Have You, No One Will”
Domestic Violence (DV), is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. Domestic violence is not always perpetrated by men on women. Women on men, women on women, men on men, children, and even relatives are also covered under domestic violence. Control of the relationship or control of the person is one of the main reason in why domestic violence occurs in the house. The control does not always have to be physical, but in most cases, it is. The physical abuse is used to control the victim with fear. In having them to scared to want to fight back, or leave the person. It is often called “Battered Woman Syndrome” (BWS). Although the name is misleading. As stated earlier DV is not strictly adhered to woman being the victim. BWS happens when a woman/man beings to develops injuries or a consistent amount of time which shows signs of violence within the household. BWS can also be used as a woman/man who does not fight back, or blames themselves for the reason in why they are being abused.

Unbeknownst to many people there are actually three phases of domestic violence. Most individuals believe that if a person is being abused at home that there is 24/7 abuse happening. Some cases that is true but in most there are not. The human body/mind would not be able to handle around the clock abuse without the body either shutting down or the person breaking mentality. The three phases of domestic abuse are (1) Tension building phase- This phase is where arguments may start to happen, drinking and or drug use may occur. The many victims state that they can feel the “tension” in the air, and begin to walk on “egg-shells”, as they know that in any moment the abuse will begin, albeit that abuse is physical, psychological, or sexual. The Tension building phase then leads into (2) Acute or Crisis phase. This phase is where the abuse occurs. The amount of time varies and there is no set time-limit in how long the abuse will occur. It can range from a few verbal insults, being abused all day, or being sexually assault over a couple of days to weeks. All of the examples of abuse can happen from any time frame. It has been shown that without any type of intervention the time frame of the abuse beings to lengthen over time. The third phase (3) Honeymoon phase. Is exactly what it sounds like. The thought that runs through the majority of people’s minds when they think of honeymoon, is taking trips, being nice a romantic, and gifts being exchanged. These same things happen in the honeymoon phase. The abuser usually does feel some type of recourse from their actions, or knows what they have done is wrong, so they try and cover up or “make good” on what they have just done and provide gifts, trips, and the promise of not abusing again, while also telling the victim in how sorry they are for doing what they did.

Outside looking in you might wonder why doesn’t the person just leave. In many cases, it’s a lot easier said than done. Many victims have tried to leave only to be caught in the act, and abused even more. The abuse is used as a sense of “breaking” the person. It can be viewed in the same sense as a horse handler breaking or domesticating a wild horse. Some victims can’t leave due to the abuser controlling all of the finances or threatening the victim in that they will turn their attention towards the children, or beginning to actually abuse the children that may be in the household. Some victims have been abused for so long they have developed a deep condition of BWS and are actually too scared to leave the abuser, as they have lost sense of themselves not being able to make it by themselves. DV is a huge issue that victims deal with in silence, due to the fear of retribution in which the abuser might take out on them if they were to turn them in. Some abusers are arrested, but can make bail find the victim and abuse them even more or even worse take their life. Some victims have become so used to being abused that you might not ever know that they were being abused. They have learned how to make excuses for bruises, bumps, and burns seem inconsequential, and learned how to use various clothing items, or cosmetic products to cover up their injuries.

The #HANDSOFFME movement, was set in place to bring a voice to all of the victims of DV, and to also and hopefully GIVE a voice to those abusers. The silence of DV is something that this movements hopes to put an end to while providing more awareness of those who maybe suffering from DV. DV is an issue that is widely known to the general populace, but is hardly acted on due to the silence. #HANDSOFFME also strives to bring awareness to the abusers and hoping that they see the errors in their ways, all of the heartache, the hurt, stress, depression, and hardships in which they bring not only their victims, but also the family and friends of the victims.